Have you ever met someone so uninhibited it makes you uncomfortable?
Someone who makes you feel like they really shouldn’t be sharing the embarrassing personal anecdotes they’re lobbing at you within five minutes of meeting them?
A lot of times it’s a person whose blood-alcohol level is 3x your neighborhood panhandler’s, but sometimes it’s not. Some people either have it in them naturally or they’ve conditioned themselves to become exceptionally comfortable sharing their innermost insecurities, addictions, and imperfections.
Whatever the reason for their behavior, these are the people you remember.
I’m going to be honest. I don’t often remember people who are polite, inhibited, or afraid of a little controversial conversation. People who act like they’re perfect even though no one (including themselves) actually believes it. I remember the ones who wear their faults on their sleeves. The ones who are honest with themselves and aren’t afraid to share both the “acceptable” and “unacceptable” parts of themselves. Brutal honesty leads to fun, memorable interactions. It leads to deep and meaningful connections. And it can lead to an insanely seductive persona, in both men and women.
Rob from Shanghai
Let me use a guy I met in Shanghai as an example. Let’s call him “Rob.”
The man was a savage.
Right from the get-go he was spilling his guts out.
Within an hour of meeting him, I’d learned all about his various relationships and how a few of them ended in brutal heartbreak.
He gave me the low-down on his current girlfriend (“she’s a crazy bitch!”) shortly after.
When I asked what his impression of China has been as an American man, he was hilariously and brutally honest. He claimed that China is: “A man’s paradise. The women adore us. And even though we fuck all of their women…the men love us.”
He was unabashed about his love for substances.
Within twenty minutes of meeting, he was describing his various drug and alcohol addictions. We were practically complete strangers. It was wild. Socially inappropriate? Yes. But very funny.
The man could talk. He’d dive into everyday subjects for 20 minutes at a time, going off on subjects as simple as his personal garden or even the chicken sausage he ordered at a diner. His over-the-top descriptions and grandiose plans were half-inspiring, half-unbelievable. As in I didn’t actually believe them. But they were intriguing. That’s more than you can say for most people. They really made you wonder about what else he’d have cooking in the near future.
That kind of excitement and passion makes you want to be around a person. His lengthy descriptions gave vivid meaning to everyday occurrences I probably wouldn’t even have noticed. His overly crude jokes made me feel like I could be comfortable being as open and filthy as I wanted to be. It was refreshing.
He was also hospitable as fuck. A lot of times guys (myself included) think that if you “don’t give a fuck” it means you have to be rude to people. That you can’t be genuinely kind or caring. That couldn’t be further from the truth. “Not giving a fuck” doesn’t mean you don’t give a fuck about people. It means you are the way you are and you don’t give a fuck whether they approve of you or not.
The Moral of the Story
Am I telling you all this because I met some dude who made over-the-top jokes and didn’t give a fuck? Not really. I’m writing about him because he reminded me of the part of myself I’m always searching for. The part of me that comes out when I’m “in the zone.” He had a certain quality everyone who’s good with women has. It’s a little hard to describe, but I’ll try.
There’s something in every one of us that’s dying to escape. A repressed, free-spirited part of us that’s begging to get out. It bubbles up from time to time, usually when we’re in an insanely great mood. It can come out after a big success at work or when you win a big bet. It can come out when you’re at a music festival, theme park, or when you’ve had the perfect amount of alcohol and you’re feeling on top of the world. The few who can release their innermost and truest self on a regular basis are the ones who become masters at attraction and dating.
I’m not saying it’s me. I’m far from being fearless on command and having zero inhibitions about approaching strange, beautiful women. But I do feel like I’m getting closer. And it comes from bringing out your inner “Rob from Shanghai.” The part of you that comes out when you’re feeling great and you can’t be stopped. The part of you that doesn’t give a fuck what anyone thinks, because you have an ultimate self-confidence that can’t be disturbed.
What Women Want
Women want a man who’s sure of himself. A man who knows who he is, what he wants, and isn’t afraid to go after it. Why? Because that man can protect her. His courage, confidence, and willpower are the signals of security they need to feel safe.
Before you can get that amazing girlfriend, before you can start attracting women everywhere you go, you have to become insanely comfortable with yourself. The true you. Blemishes and all.
Let’s get started. Comment with either something you suck at and you’d love to improve, or something you really love about yourself. It can deal with women or otherwise. I’ll respond back with one of mine and we’ll both be one step closer to true confidence 🙂 Have a good one.