Why ‘Not Giving a Fuck’ is so Attractive

Have you ever met someone so uninhibited it makes you uncomfortable?

Someone who makes you feel like they really shouldn’t be sharing the embarrassing personal anecdotes they’re lobbing at you within five minutes of meeting them?

A lot of times it’s a person whose blood-alcohol level is 3x your neighborhood panhandler’s, but sometimes it’s not. Some people either have it in them naturally or they’ve conditioned themselves to become exceptionally comfortable sharing their innermost insecurities, addictions, and imperfections.

Whatever the reason for their behavior, these are the people you remember.

I’m going to be honest. I don’t often remember people who are polite, inhibited, or afraid of a little controversial conversation. People who act like they’re perfect even though no one (including themselves) actually believes it. I remember the ones who wear their faults on their sleeves. The ones who are honest with themselves and aren’t afraid to share both the “acceptable” and “unacceptable” parts of themselves. Brutal honesty leads to fun, memorable interactions. It leads to deep and meaningful connections. And it can lead to an insanely seductive persona, in both men and women.


Rob from Shanghai

Let me use a guy I met in Shanghai as an example. Let’s call him “Rob.”

The man was a savage.

Right from the get-go he was spilling his guts out.

Within an hour of meeting him, I’d learned all about his various relationships and how a few of them ended in brutal heartbreak.

He gave me the low-down on his current girlfriend (“she’s a crazy bitch!”) shortly after.

When I asked what his impression of China has been as an American man, he was hilariously and brutally honest. He claimed that China is: “A man’s paradise. The women adore us. And even though we fuck all of their women…the men love us.”

He was unabashed about his love for substances.

Within twenty minutes of meeting, he was describing his various drug and alcohol addictions. We were practically complete strangers. It was wild. Socially inappropriate? Yes. But very funny.

The man could talk. He’d dive into everyday subjects for 20 minutes at a time, going off on subjects as simple as his personal garden or even the chicken sausage he ordered at a diner. His over-the-top descriptions and grandiose plans were half-inspiring, half-unbelievable. As in I didn’t actually believe them. But they were intriguing. That’s more than you can say for most people. They really made you wonder about what else he’d have cooking in the near future.

That kind of excitement and passion makes you want to be around a person. His lengthy descriptions gave vivid meaning to everyday occurrences I probably wouldn’t even have noticed. His overly crude jokes made me feel like I could be comfortable being as open and filthy as I wanted to be. It was refreshing.

He was also hospitable as fuck. A lot of times guys (myself included) think that if you “don’t give a fuck” it means you have to be rude to people. That you can’t be genuinely kind or caring. That couldn’t be further from the truth. “Not giving a fuck” doesn’t mean you don’t give a fuck about people. It means you are the way you are and you don’t give a fuck whether they approve of you or not.

Confidant Man

The Moral of the Story

Am I telling you all this because I met some dude who made over-the-top jokes and didn’t give a fuck? Not really. I’m writing about him because he reminded me of the part of myself I’m always searching for. The part of me that comes out when I’m “in the zone.” He had a certain quality everyone who’s good with women has. It’s a little hard to describe, but I’ll try.

There’s something in every one of us that’s dying to escape. A repressed, free-spirited part of us that’s begging to get out. It bubbles up from time to time, usually when we’re in an insanely great mood. It can come out after a big success at work or when you win a big bet. It can come out when you’re at a music festival, theme park, or when you’ve had the perfect amount of alcohol and you’re feeling on top of the world. The few who can release their innermost and truest self on a regular basis are the ones who become masters at attraction and dating.

I’m not saying it’s me. I’m far from being fearless on command and having zero inhibitions about approaching strange, beautiful women. But I do feel like I’m getting closer. And it comes from bringing out your inner “Rob from Shanghai.” The part of you that comes out when you’re feeling great and you can’t be stopped. The part of you that doesn’t give a fuck what anyone thinks, because you have an ultimate self-confidence that can’t be disturbed.


Harvey Specter

What Women Want

Women want a man who’s sure of himself. A man who knows who he is, what he wants,  and isn’t afraid to go after it. Why? Because that man can protect her. His courage, confidence, and willpower are the signals of security they need to feel safe.

Before you can get that amazing girlfriend, before you can start attracting women everywhere you go, you have to become insanely comfortable with yourself. The true you. Blemishes and all.

Let’s get started. Comment with either something you suck at and you’d love to improve, or something you really love about yourself. It can deal with women or otherwise. I’ll respond back with one of mine and we’ll both be one step closer to true confidence 🙂 Have a good one.

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  • Sorry but the guy sounds more like a guy’s guy, and a bit of a douche.

    There is nothing wrong with being sure of yourself and controversial, but all in good measure.

    There is a fine line between all round man of action, and asshole. Find the balance and you are on to a winner 😉

  • “Women want a man who’s sure of himself. A man who knows who he is, what he wants, and isn’t afraid to go after it. Why? Because that man can protect her. His courage, confidence, and willpower are the signals of security they need to feel safe???” —I’m not going to bash on this, but women don’t need to feel ‘safe’, we need someone confident enough to make us feel confident too. Women want a man who’s going to bring out the ‘man’ in her, who make us feel like together we are unstoppable! Thank you

  • Lol, 2 comments so far from wet rag pussies that couldn’t find their inner demon even if Satan was playing Operation with their funny bone. Dude, you’re spot on that not giving 2 shits is a hell of a lot better than going through life playing safe with the PC crew. Life is too short to worry about what pricks and douche bags think with their fake chivalry while the average C U next Tuesday is crying for a shopping spree or a spot on the next air-head reality show. Thanks for sharing and keep working on your inner “Rob in Shanghai.”

  • I’m nearly a year late, but as a woman I really enjoyed this article and would like to adopt a more “fuck it” attitude myself. Even though this was from a man’s perspective, I believe it could benefit anyone. Thanks for the read!

  • Yeah? And act like a complete uneducated savage? No, thank you. I know my boundaries, and also when and what I’ll speak about. And if you’re assuming that I’m some “Wet rag pussy” um lol no. With my personality, I attract more women than the number of bacteria your testicles do.

  • I dont give a fuck at all about woman dating ,nothing not even looking at fine asses , i just care about me and my money , fuck all woman .

    • PRB why don’t you wrap your micro penis in a dollar bill and yank it ya fuckin bellend. No one cares about you or your money ya little foot. Also, your bald attitude goes to show how big of a bitch you are.

  • This is so true. Even for a woman like me, it’s incredible attractive for either men or women. Real quality, along with inner humanity are priceless.
    It’s about true to yourself no matter what. Not care about people think or approve. (But understanding the limits are required) It’s well qualities if you use for appropriate persons who can take joke and don’t uptight too much. Make daily life and everyday interactions fun as well.

  • I GET IT, completely…..mostly because I’m a woman with the same personality as “Rob from Shanghai”.
    Thanks for the write-up 😉

  • Wow…can’t help but laugh at some of the overly emotional responses. Some people just don’t get it at all!
    Clearly this article is about loving and accepting ones self entirely, the good and the bad, and not letting fear of judgement or insecurity stop you.
    Personally I think if a person is that evolved they wouldn’t be referring to women as “crazy bitches” or “fucking all China’s women” that just sounds like an intoxicated, arrogant, hot-head American!
    I’m all for “not giving a fuck” about what others think of me, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have standards or that I loose all respect…no, clearly rob gives a fuck or he wouldn’t have to broadcast his shit everywhere. He lacks the inner awareness to truly “not give a fuck”.

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